but its empty

grandma being very scary.
every morning she will wake up and complain tt her stomach hurts.
i really dunno whether its really pain or she jz being whiney.
i know yeye is getting very very pissed off with her.
its more than being pissed,its worried too.
can u imagine how he feels?
sometimes,i feel so bad for him.
i feel so helpless,especially when he doesnt get to slp the whole night and when she wakes him up when he naps.
life suddenly isnt very fair ehh?
im tired of living in this family.
but if anythings happen to any of them,i think i wiill cry until i die.

went church with him tt day.
i saw her.
well,i felt very scared throughout the whole thing.
i got no idea why but my heart kept beating really fast.
i wonder if she knows.
i wonder what she knows too.
but it felt weird.too out of place there.
it was so much more comfortable in sajc.
i dunno if i can accept the fact tt he is such a staunch christian.
i hope he teaches at sunday school.
but i hope that she wont join him there.
i hope im over the issue of both of them.
i really hope.
cant help wondering if she joins them for lunch after church and if he compares me to her.
am i inferior in anyway?

i was pretty upset with wanling tt day too.
we set to meet up on tues but she said she couldnt make it.
if i went to church with her on sunday,would it be a different story?
i dunno.
i dun like it tt way.
it feels like she is blackmailing me with church.
friends arent supposed to work tt way.
i wonder again,what is it tt keeps her faith so strong,what is it tt keeps HER faith so strong too.
i want to see things their way,but i cant.

i wish i could go back to the way things were btw the 7 of us.
it really upsets me tt relations are getting so strained.
i know that they are great friends,the way they stand up for me and everything,but im afraid tt i would lose them too.

i wonder if HE gets really bored about how i always go on and on about nainai.
cuz i realised tts what i hv been doing recently.
every small single detail,i will hv to tell him.
but if i dont,i think i will go mad.
he was so great with scout tt day.
damn,i love tt dog.
i love all dogs:)
im surprised tt he remembered what i wore on our first date
cuz i cant remember what he wore:)
isnt tt a change for once?

you fill my head and soul.
cant wait for monday.
i get 2 days off all the shit in life plus i get to spend them with him.

well,shit is mean.
its like the sun.
the morning sun and the afternoon sun.
one's really nice and the other's really horrible.