welcome to my life

do you ever feel like breaking down?
do you ever feel outta place?
like somehow you just dont belong and no one understands you.

how can people understand me when i dont understand myself?hmm..but whatever.
i skipped ONO dinner again today.so as you can tell,im nt exactly the most sociable person on earth.i dont see how people can make the effort to go to a meeting to meet up with new friends/people that dont really matter to them.i have a feeling that this will be my downfall in life.when i grow old,i will be a cranky woman who dont hv much friends and will spend all my days at home.sighs.but on a brighter note,my friends are people whom i really enjoy being with and i dont hv to pretend to be someone else when im with them.so yay,true friends ftw.and of course ihv my darling cousins tt grew up with me,mainly bryan n timothy.

i came to a conclusion that im nt a very passionate person in life.i have close to zero passion for things.i love animals.thats the one thing i hv a passion for but hv yet to do anything abt it.ok,maybe i hv passion in lotsa stuff but i hvnt done anything abt it yet.

1.animals
2.sports,namly TR,cycle.i secretly like running actually
3.nature

hmm..tt isnt alot right?but still,i dont know why im such a passion-less person.i should do smth about one of my passions and stop being a boring person.but i dont want to change who i am,honestly,im quite happy with the way my life is going now(except in certain aspects).but well,i need a passion before i become a boring,unfeeling person.

its weird but one of the things i like to do in life is to just go to a quiet place with nature around and just sit there and do nothing.just admire the scenery and watch the world go by.it doesnt really matter if im alone or with friends,sitting down quietly or just talking will make my day.i always feel so refreshed when i do smth like tt.

i just finish checking my email and OMG.it sucks.i hate checking mail after nt checking for like 2 days.but still,i feel tt im getting more irresponsible.im neither here nor there for all my activites and tt makes me feel like a dont belong anywhere plus i cant put my heart n soul in for anything.
i went for soccer friendly on sat and suprisingly,the team said i did quite well.i thought i was running ard like a headless chicken.i guess being small n able to run gives u a certain advantage.i feel pretty bad abt nt going for soccer trainings,esp since the cap is vicki.but i really cant drag myself dwn for soccer when u hv so much to do n feel so nua.GERMAINE LENG,you know these are excuses.in any case,im gonna play my heart out on sunday.vicki deserves tt frm me.

i'll bring up ntu bike rally to tee tmr.maybe we really need a common goal.

i shall go look in on grandmama b4 i slp but i gotta feeling that its gonna take a long long time.i love her so though.