又是过不了自己的那关:(
why like that?jealousy will always be a part of my life,and I fking hate it.
its mean but I wish that she can't achieve the things I achieve.petty eh?welcome to my life.

I got alot to do before sem starts.and I dont want sem to start.
why is it always like that every year?
need to worry about how things will be at home,how grandpa will cope with everything.
I dont like this feeling of wanting to do something but needing to do another thing.
I want to move back to hall because I am honestly sick of some things at home.But moving back to hall is just avoiding the whole issue,it won't solve anything and I hate being such a coward.
its always a very torn feeling when you have to choose between doing something you want to do and doing something that is expected of you.its not that I dont like being at home,I love being at home and I love my family more than anything else but sometimes I get very sick of the way that things turn out.

I dont understand how come god took away her ability to eat proper food when it is one of the few things she has left in her life.its one of the few things that she enjoys doing and that I can do for her.
It feels weird not being able to buy food for her when I go out.
It feels mean when she has to eat porridge everyday when I can eat all the nice things.
It feels horrible when I have to take away what she wants to eat from her because I am afraid that she will choke.I feel really bad when I see her staring at my food.
I think that is one of the reasons why grandpa has lost his appetite.
Its not difficult to get tired of all these sufferings that you see in this world.grandma falls sick and everyone around her gets affected.Sometimes,it really makes me question what life is about.

I thankful that she doesnt need a feeding tube,but its human nature to want more than is given to them.I just wonder why it is that of all things,they had to take away her ability to eat the food that she likes.it hurts me to see her like that.and I am sure I am not the only one that feels hurt.

It doesnt help that tee is going into army too.I want to whine and complain and everything but I think he has alot on his mind too.I really dread him going in.But then again,it be back to school so it wont make so much of a difference?Hope so..I see alot of changes coming.Like how I will have to spend more time at home,how he will also have to spend more time at home,making both of us highly unfree.And if he gets his pilot thingy,its gonna be even tougher:(
The selfish part of me doesnt want him to get it because it would mean that he be gone for long,but the other part of me wants him to get it because that is what he really loves.And it means alot to me that he does take into consideration that I dont like being apart from him for such long periods.I guess somehow we will ahve to try to work it out.Either that or we fall apart,which I am already very sick of doing.

You can never choose the person whom you fall in love with.You can tell yourself that the guy that you like must be this and that.But when you really like someone,you can't un-like that someone.If only it was like FB.The person that you fall in love with can have the most annoying traits in the world but when you like that person,you cant help it. So you cant choose who to fall in love with but you can choose who to marry?warped,but true.

well,life sucks,get use to it.