又是过不了自己的那关:(
why like that?jealousy will always be a part of my life,and I fking hate it.
its mean but I wish that she can't achieve the things I achieve.petty eh?welcome to my life.
I got alot to do before sem starts.and I dont want sem to start.
why is it always like that every year?
need to worry about how things will be at home,how grandpa will cope with everything.
I dont like this feeling of wanting to do something but needing to do another thing.
I want to move back to hall because I am honestly sick of some things at home.But moving back to hall is just avoiding the whole issue,it won't solve anything and I hate being such a coward.
its always a very torn feeling when you have to choose between doing something you want to do and doing something that is expected of you.its not that I dont like being at home,I love being at home and I love my family more than anything else but sometimes I get very sick of the way that things turn out.
I dont understand how come god took away her ability to eat proper food when it is one of the few things she has left in her life.its one of the few things that she enjoys doing and that I can do for her.
It feels weird not being able to buy food for her when I go out.
It feels mean when she has to eat porridge everyday when I can eat all the nice things.
It feels horrible when I have to take away what she wants to eat from her because I am afraid that she will choke.I feel really bad when I see her staring at my food.
I think that is one of the reasons why grandpa has lost his appetite.
Its not difficult to get tired of all these sufferings that you see in this world.grandma falls sick and everyone around her gets affected.Sometimes,it really makes me question what life is about.
I thankful that she doesnt need a feeding tube,but its human nature to want more than is given to them.I just wonder why it is that of all things,they had to take away her ability to eat the food that she likes.it hurts me to see her like that.and I am sure I am not the only one that feels hurt.
It doesnt help that tee is going into army too.I want to whine and complain and everything but I think he has alot on his mind too.I really dread him going in.But then again,it be back to school so it wont make so much of a difference?Hope so..I see alot of changes coming.Like how I will have to spend more time at home,how he will also have to spend more time at home,making both of us highly unfree.And if he gets his pilot thingy,its gonna be even tougher:(
The selfish part of me doesnt want him to get it because it would mean that he be gone for long,but the other part of me wants him to get it because that is what he really loves.And it means alot to me that he does take into consideration that I dont like being apart from him for such long periods.I guess somehow we will ahve to try to work it out.Either that or we fall apart,which I am already very sick of doing.
You can never choose the person whom you fall in love with.You can tell yourself that the guy that you like must be this and that.But when you really like someone,you can't un-like that someone.If only it was like FB.The person that you fall in love with can have the most annoying traits in the world but when you like that person,you cant help it. So you cant choose who to fall in love with but you can choose who to marry?warped,but true.
well,life sucks,get use to it.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
伟大的daddy
im really proud of the daddy that i have.
there are so much things that i have learnt from him through his examples.circumstances made me the person i am today and seriously,no doubt,my daddy is one of these circumstances.
girls are usually closer to their mums,making me the anomaly here.but its really hard to be close to my mum when i can see so many flaws in her.dont get me wrong,i still love my mum.but its just amazing how close me and my dad are.i guess its again circumstances that made us that close and again,im thankful for it.at least something good came out from all the shit.
hows my daddy like?
he's just pretty thoughtful and nice and caring.
like how he paid for the old woman's medicince,how he always puts his parents as his prioirity.i guess even for an adult,thats not an easy thing to do because everyone needs a life.the only alone time he take for himself is when he goes jogging.
one thing that im very very thankful for is how he manage to forgive me and tee.it takes a really big heart to do that.and alot of trust.therefore,i will make good use of this chance that he has given me.
i dont understand how come good people like him have to go through so much shit.
what happened to grandma probably made him age like 5years.and its not easy to look at how much pain grandpa is going through from looking after his wife.i know how it feels.i guess it feels even more terrible for dad.
as if thats not enough,he doenst hv the support of mum.which i think is one of the worst things in the world.because when you are down in the dumps,ur spouse is supposed to cheer you up.instead,i think she adds alot of unnecessary stress on him.especially with bro and everything.
i really love my dad.
emm..hope he remains healthy and happy.and evey obstacle that he faces makes him stronger as a person.
there are so much things that i have learnt from him through his examples.circumstances made me the person i am today and seriously,no doubt,my daddy is one of these circumstances.
girls are usually closer to their mums,making me the anomaly here.but its really hard to be close to my mum when i can see so many flaws in her.dont get me wrong,i still love my mum.but its just amazing how close me and my dad are.i guess its again circumstances that made us that close and again,im thankful for it.at least something good came out from all the shit.
hows my daddy like?
he's just pretty thoughtful and nice and caring.
like how he paid for the old woman's medicince,how he always puts his parents as his prioirity.i guess even for an adult,thats not an easy thing to do because everyone needs a life.the only alone time he take for himself is when he goes jogging.
one thing that im very very thankful for is how he manage to forgive me and tee.it takes a really big heart to do that.and alot of trust.therefore,i will make good use of this chance that he has given me.
i dont understand how come good people like him have to go through so much shit.
what happened to grandma probably made him age like 5years.and its not easy to look at how much pain grandpa is going through from looking after his wife.i know how it feels.i guess it feels even more terrible for dad.
as if thats not enough,he doenst hv the support of mum.which i think is one of the worst things in the world.because when you are down in the dumps,ur spouse is supposed to cheer you up.instead,i think she adds alot of unnecessary stress on him.especially with bro and everything.
i really love my dad.
emm..hope he remains healthy and happy.and evey obstacle that he faces makes him stronger as a person.
Friday, June 17, 2011
eh ah oh ah cambodia ah,
we are the men from PA 13 ah.
these were my aims
1.dont judge--seriously difficult,3/10
2.differences aside--erm slightly better,5/10
3.serve with all your heart and soul,8/10
4.dont be a hermit crab,6/10
5.dare to try new things,7/10
6.have fun,10/10
see,i think i did a ok job.kudos to jon and tee who reminded me why i went for this trip.you got no idea how much i love you guys.
guess alot of things happened and i took away alot of learning points from this trip.
1.how there is a phase of team bonding
2.do the best tt you can,even if it doesnt make that big of a difference.remember the starfish?
3.be very very happy for what you have,be it family,water,lights,slippers,toilet paper
4.learn for the joy of gaining more knowledge,not for the sake of getting a god damn degree
5.nature's resource are limited,use them wisely
6.what's a disability if you can overcome it:) go tony
7.you can't make that much of an imapct on someone's life,you just gotta make sure you try ur very very best
8.be delighted by the simplest things in life
9.everyone is different
10.be thankful that singapore is a relatively uncorrupted country.
11.its ok not to claim the credit,just as long as you know what you have done.you don't need to try to be recognised for it too cause eventually,someone will notice.
i have learnt to be thankful for some simple things that I would never have had. Like slippers and meat. i will never ever throw away things which can still be used again,I will try to give them away.
Memories will certainly remain.
like how
walls between everyone were broken down by a simple game of hopscotch,
the kids could speak nuts about english but learnt so eagerly and quickly,
finding out that Tony cant speak,
shooting down mangoes,
crying with my awesome buddys,
playing catch with the kids,
kirrei came back night after night just so he can learn how to sing twinkle twinkle little stars,
the people in cambodia remember to contribute back to society,and with so many of them sincerely wanting to do so.
i guess the memories are fading.but well,you get it.it was a time with ups and downs and i really want to go for another trip.maybe i dont,because it wouldnt be the same experience again.adn this is an experience that i really wanna keep.i want to lead a OCIP trip and do everything my way. in my world,the team will have to try their best to integrate with the villager's life,the world will not be such a clean freak place and everyone will like everyone.
even though OCIP is overated,it was overall,an awesome trip.
we are the men from PA 13 ah.
these were my aims
1.dont judge--seriously difficult,3/10
2.differences aside--erm slightly better,5/10
3.serve with all your heart and soul,8/10
4.dont be a hermit crab,6/10
5.dare to try new things,7/10
6.have fun,10/10
see,i think i did a ok job.kudos to jon and tee who reminded me why i went for this trip.you got no idea how much i love you guys.
guess alot of things happened and i took away alot of learning points from this trip.
1.how there is a phase of team bonding
2.do the best tt you can,even if it doesnt make that big of a difference.remember the starfish?
3.be very very happy for what you have,be it family,water,lights,slippers,toilet paper
4.learn for the joy of gaining more knowledge,not for the sake of getting a god damn degree
5.nature's resource are limited,use them wisely
6.what's a disability if you can overcome it:) go tony
7.you can't make that much of an imapct on someone's life,you just gotta make sure you try ur very very best
8.be delighted by the simplest things in life
9.everyone is different
10.be thankful that singapore is a relatively uncorrupted country.
11.its ok not to claim the credit,just as long as you know what you have done.you don't need to try to be recognised for it too cause eventually,someone will notice.
i have learnt to be thankful for some simple things that I would never have had. Like slippers and meat. i will never ever throw away things which can still be used again,I will try to give them away.
Memories will certainly remain.
like how
walls between everyone were broken down by a simple game of hopscotch,
the kids could speak nuts about english but learnt so eagerly and quickly,
finding out that Tony cant speak,
shooting down mangoes,
crying with my awesome buddys,
playing catch with the kids,
kirrei came back night after night just so he can learn how to sing twinkle twinkle little stars,
the people in cambodia remember to contribute back to society,and with so many of them sincerely wanting to do so.
i guess the memories are fading.but well,you get it.it was a time with ups and downs and i really want to go for another trip.maybe i dont,because it wouldnt be the same experience again.adn this is an experience that i really wanna keep.i want to lead a OCIP trip and do everything my way. in my world,the team will have to try their best to integrate with the villager's life,the world will not be such a clean freak place and everyone will like everyone.
even though OCIP is overated,it was overall,an awesome trip.
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