I am desperately holding on to alot of things in my life. And these things are not things that I should be holding on to.

I suddenly feel very alone even though I am surrounded by people.

I shouldn't be feeling lonely because cassie and jiehong are going out.
Shouldn't be feeling alone that Max and zhiyi are so close.

Shouldn't be feeling lonely because linhui has his eye set on a girl, shouldn't be feeling lost because he will be leaving soon, shouldn't be missing him already, shouldn't be spending every single minute I can with him while he is still around.

Shouldn't be feeling lost that a girl likes Johan.
Shouldn't be feeling so broken when I saw how the guys train and got punished.
Shouldn't be wanting to win touch rug so badly to the extent that I broke down. 

I don't miss you as much as I thought I would. I can't decide if its good or bad. I miss not being able to smell you and to be able to hold you whenever I want to. Miss not being able to lie on your shoulder. Miss not being able to contact you as and when I want to. Miss being silent on the phone with you. Maybe I miss you more than I think I do. I really want you to be here to pat my head now and tell me that it will be ok. Really want to be right beside you now.

Ok, I change my mind, I miss you. Miss you more than you and I know.
I just don't really want to miss you and let you know how much I miss you.
What if I need to spend the rest of my life like that? What if your life feels complete without me? That's how I feel now. I don't want you to fail. You sound so happy there. But I don't see how my life fits into yours.  

That's enough for tonight. Hormonal imbalance is screwing me up. Just want your warm body by my side tonight and forever.

My dentist once told me that letting go is like pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you’re relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it was not hurting you doesn’t mean you did not notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you so much pain. Therefore, move on and let go.