I feel horrible.

I dont know why, maybe its exam stress maybe its because simon is leaving again. I have come to accept that he needs to go but I cant help feeling sad. I dont want to be apart from him. I dont want to be apart from my family too. I feel like i could everywhere with him now because he is leaving but i know that if I have to leave my family, I would feel the same for them.

I dont know what I want, do I want to go with him or do I want to do honours? Its a very hard choice to make. What if I dont get to do honours then I have to go with him? who will look after grandma? who will talk to yeye? who will walk the dog? Its not fair that I just leave and leave them the mess to clear up.

But I love him so much, I will be very sad if he isnt around. I dont want to say good bye to him at the airport again. And it really hurts when there is no one to talk to when he isnt around. I dont want to cry infront of him anymore, I think he exasperated by all these and he is starting to worry about his training I think.

I dont know whats for exam tomorrow, not sure if I am prepared, what if I run out of steam to complete year 4? Would it be better for me to just graduate then?

I am sad and tired. I need help but no one will be able to give me an answer to anything.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,
In all ways, acknowledge him and he  will make your paths straight.