It’s weird how people who have known me for the whole of my life don’t know how to deal with me. But I don’t blame them. I’m rarely like that. 

You don’t hug me or even have physical contact with me when I’m already trying so hard to hold it back in. I’ll cry if you do. Unless I’m alone with you/are close to you, I really hate crying infront of you. I hate crying infront of anyone actually. 

The worst question to ask is ‘are you ok?’ Honestly, I’m not. But I’m not gonna tell you that. 

Time doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. I’m not ok but I will be in time. I don’t know how to answer to ‘are you ok’.

I’m better though. Thanks to that few people who know how to deal with me. 
I haven’t told a lot of other people. 

And I’m dreading the birthday wishes that are gonna start coming in in half an hour. It’s weird how I don’t feel like telling those really close to me what happened.

I don't want the pity and the are you oks to start again.