Sometimes I get quite fed up with you. 

3 years ago, you wanted to join airforce. You wanted it so so badly, until you went on a crazy veg diet because your medical results showed high cholesterol. You were at rsaf's beck and call for the past three years, I never had a say in anything. But you were doing something you love, and you were happy. 

3 years you said. Let you finish your course, we can be together and start a life of our own. You went for bwc, got sent back, went for SUPT. Got sent back again against our wishes and plans. We rerouted so many times. And now, I thought that things have finally settled down. That both of us can settle down and take a break from all the uncertainties in life. 

But nope. Not your plan anymore. 

All I want to do is to settle down and stop having so many changes. We have been dealing with all these uncertainty for three years and now you want to throw us back in this shit when everything is about to end. You asked that I plan my life around you and your career. I did you know. And now you have thoughts to jump ship. 

I find you quite selfish and idealistic sometimes. For something you want that you are not even sure is doable, you would uproot me. Ok, given that you know it isn't fair to me but you still do it anyways. 

How can I say no when you tell me you don't imagine yourself doing this for the next ten years? It makes me very uncomfortable to see you so undriven and unmotivated because that's what I never knew you as. I've been trying so so hard to help you find back your balance but it doesn't seem to help. So the only thing is to let you go and do whatever you want even if it means screwing us up. To be honest, I'm really tired of this but I don't have a choice. 

So much for just finishing this round. Here goes the whole overseas training and debt accumulation again. Very occasionally, I just want to slap you and tell you to wake up your idea. But ya, go do your thing because if you don't, I'll feel that I tied you down and you will be stuck in smth you 'don't see yourself doing' for the next ten years. All I'm asking is that you think through all these properly, the grass looks so much greener on the other side now but shit is going to happen once you get there.