I feel stupid.

I really did study for midterms pretty hard this time but I think the papers weren't all that easy. Am I just not clever or what:(

A series of unfortunate events which made me believe once again, that someone up there is watching over me.

I felt super stressed/nervous when I saw the Sheares girls training that day. Suddenly occurred to me that they are training properly and might not be so easy to beat anymore. Plus Alycia and Shadrina are gone. I suddenly realise that I have quite alot to lose.

I felt kinda jealous when I saw their training. Their senior support so strong. I am not saying that our senior support sucks, but still, I can't see any conflict in the Sheares seniors wheras I can see the conflict in ours. Dont get me wrong, I love our seniors (maybe a bit too much) but I dont agree with the way they do things sometimes. Neither do I agree with Melvin. That makes me a loner:(

I was pretty distracted with all the touch nonsense and all the whisper whisper so I couldnt study for my GEK paper. Luckily I went to sleep. I cant imagine what would have happened if I found out about Nis on the night before the paper.

Sometimes there are so many coincidences in life that you need to believe that they are actually planned out. Like how Nis finished his antibiotics before the mass came out. I would have felt really bad if I didnt take him to the vet. And how I fell asleep at 11pm when I havent done that in ages. Maybe Nis loves me too much the way Presto loves grandma. He wants to wait for the important things to be over before he burdens me with his problems. I really love him alot :/ I dont know what will happen if he pass on. But I am quite proud of myself. I think I am made of pretty strong character.

When I heard that Nis was in the hospital, there was really that split second there that it didnt register then I started crying after that. I really wanted someone to comfort me and tell me not to worry. I am after all, a girl who needs someone to lean on. It felt weird that I couldnt reach tee. So wanna guess who is the next person that I wanted to reach? :/ I guess it was just that need for companionship. I wonder how I am going to survive if tee goes overseas though.

I really wanna be that supportive girlfriend. Like how Shannon's gf supports him and tells him openly on fb that she will wait for him.But I dont have that courage, I am scared, I dont know if I dont trust him or I dont trust myself:(

But I promise to work towards it.

"When you want to be successful as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful!"