It's been a long and difficult week, glad it's over. New week is starting and with that comes the end of WSQ and life back at Ubin. 

I'm still thankful, esp for the fact that grandma took a better turn. I don't know if that's good or bad. What side effects will tube feeding and drawing phlegm have on her? How will yeye cope with the new routines? Is she suffering? 

But now I know that there's no point worrying, leave everything to god and I'll just do my best. 

Still hoping to hear good news from tee this week. Even if there isn't, we'll come up with something. Fingers crossed. 

Decluttering

For you
That you will achieve your dream and be happy in whatever you do. Please recover soon too:/

For the grandparents
That grandma leaves peacefully without having to go endure whatever 'advancements' medicine has to offer to mankind.

That grandpa finds the strength to continue looking after her and that he finds calmness at the end of the day.

For the dad
That he receives the support and wisdom he needs to make some of the hardest decisions in life.

For me
That I will trust and provide him with the support he needs in life.
That I will have the patience and energy to take care of them and support my dad.

I need to make things right, this is what I was meant to do.

Wanting something so bad that it hurts. 

There's this need to just be honest and spill everything. 

Is it really always me who's being demanding and unreasonable? I find it so hard to comprehend at times. 

Trust with all your heart

Sometimes in life, you gotta just beeline that everything will turn somehow. 

I like the idea that someone up there has everything planned out nicely. Please let everything fall into place, I'm starting to get impatient when I see everyone moving into a new phase of life.

I want to get married and start a family. Someone I wished that we, and especially you were more established. So that getting married and moving out won't be an issue. That's all I want in my life, I don't know if I'm being greedy. I don't blame you for quitting, but I do fantasize about how it would be if we had stuck to our plans. Plans where we would have been preparing our wedding and not where I'll be here wondering how we can work things out. 

Clock's ticking and I don't know how much longer I want to and need to wait. It's frustrating really, when I know that I have the will to but not the capabilities to.

In my fantasy world, we would be married, have a house to call our own where the princess has her own corner in the house. We'll be a family for 2 years, enjoy the honeymoon period and have kids after. Princess will love our kids theway  we love her and guard over them and bring them toys when they cry.  

Tell me that I'm not greedy. 

All I can do now is to continue hoping that everything will turn out good soon enough because time is running out. 

Is it a lot to ask for if I want you to be with me when I'm not well? It won't hurt to just come back abit early right?

You have the ability to annoy me badly but I promised myself not to be annoyed today.