TGIF. My foot. 

Dry run for presentation with Siva tomorrow. I hope I'm prepared because this project means so much to me. Really worked my ass off for it and if I get anything less than an A, I'll be pretty disappointed. 

I wonder how things are gonna work out. Seems quite impossible now; whatever way it goes, there's bound to be some sort of unhappiness. Oh well. Time will tell. But it's scary, no doubt. 

I think I don't have anymore brain cells left. Can't wait for this thesis thing to be over. Then school will be over. Then grad trip will be over. And I'll be clueless about what I'm gonna do next. Oh dear.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I let my guard down. 

I forget tt dog is no longer around and only realise what I'm doing after I open the door carefully and peep behind to make sure he isn't there. Everything happens in a split second and when I realise what I'm doing, it feels weird. 

Oh wells. Good to know that he played such a big part in my life. 

Come on, we need to be tougher than this. 26/3, 10/4, 8/5. 

Its a depressing world out there

The world is depressing. And humans are the cause of it.

1. Climate change- which explains the freak weather that people are facing no matter where they are
2. The haze- the horrible haze in Indonesia. Not blaming it on the people there, consumers (like us) have a part to play too. Think of all the poor people and animals that are being affected.
3. What if the world ends because of us?
4. And there are the idiots who are spoiling my day on Project Luwak SG. I never expected to be this disturbed by the comments and that egoistic bastard.
5. FYP and deadlines.

I really don't like the way the world is now. But majority of the people don't see the problems or are choosing to ignore them. It seriously irks me that people are wasting resources like they are unlimited. What's the point of studying so much about sustainability and everything if its going to be too late to do anything?

Can I disappear into a hole please.

Tee said we will get a dog when the time is right:) and that is enough for now. 

I want my kid to grow up with one the way I did. So that the kiddo will learn to love and care and learn that even an animal can love you back as much. So that when the kiddo looks back, there will be happy memories where pets are involved. And also that the kiddo will experience loss and learn that no matter what happens, the world still continues spinning. 

A puppy with a kid seem nice but we know that it isn't that easy. We'll see. 

I'll never forget dog though. This one is special. The most special that I think I'll ever encounter and the love he has for us really knows no boundaries. 

Maybe there were many times where he was supposed to go to rainbow bridge. But he didn't because he wanted everyone to be around so that no one would miss sending him off. He was and is a good dog. There couldn't have been a better time for him to go. It doesn't matter that it was a day before my birthday. No matter when he might have left, I will miss him just as bad. Even fact, I would have regretted it if he had left when not everyone was at home. He knows me so well. 

Just like how Presto left only when all of us went home.  

I owe so many many memories to him but I can't think of anything now. It's weird how small things like scooping soup, filling my water bottle and lying in the floor make me miss him so much more. 

The memories will always stay with me and for that I'm glad. 

It’s weird how people who have known me for the whole of my life don’t know how to deal with me. But I don’t blame them. I’m rarely like that. 

You don’t hug me or even have physical contact with me when I’m already trying so hard to hold it back in. I’ll cry if you do. Unless I’m alone with you/are close to you, I really hate crying infront of you. I hate crying infront of anyone actually. 

The worst question to ask is ‘are you ok?’ Honestly, I’m not. But I’m not gonna tell you that. 

Time doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. I’m not ok but I will be in time. I don’t know how to answer to ‘are you ok’.

I’m better though. Thanks to that few people who know how to deal with me. 
I haven’t told a lot of other people. 

And I’m dreading the birthday wishes that are gonna start coming in in half an hour. It’s weird how I don’t feel like telling those really close to me what happened.

I don't want the pity and the are you oks to start again.