Somethings change and somethings just don't

Its been a wonderful weekend.
Caught up with all the people that means alot to me.

Dinnered with my bros, linhui and max at NUH on Wednesday. It was nice to go back to hall and take a look at what has changed and what hasn't. I cannot imagine a bunch of other girls occupying the B2 corridor. Haha, I had my fair share of fun and I hope that the freshies there will have as much fun as I did and make friends as wonderful as mine:) It was nice going out with linhui and max. I miss them, somehow, they remind me of how everything was in hall. They are the constant that I have in hall.

Spent Friday evening eating dinner at tampopo with circle formation:)
Its very funny how we check on each other to see where we are and how late we will be because we know everyone will be late. And its funny how everytime we lie about who is the latest. The guys are starting university already, so fast. Its weird too because now I am their senior. Haha. I'll take good care of them. HAHA. Dawn is flying off to Perth for 2 months for attachment. I will miss having a running partner:/

Went prawning with tee after dinner. Poor thing, he looked so tired and stressed up. He is taking this pilot thing very very seriously. I hope he knows that I will still love him as much even if he doesn't do so well for it. I don't mind getting married later (I don't even know if I wanna get married) if we can't afford to. It makes me squiggly to see him looking so tired and drained. I wonder what I can do to make him better. I think prawning helped, and the high catch rate helped even more:)

Had prawn lunch at me house and went AMK hub with tee, followed by dark knight at his house. Dark knight is like pretty awesome but tee fell asleep. He looks so sweet when he sleeps, but let's not be gross ah.

SUNDAY. TODAY.

I went back to hall in the early afternoon and had lunch with linhui. Met up with Eddie for block time after that. It never occured to me that I miss hall that much. Things seemed to have changed yet my feelings for that place remains the same. Its such a confy place where I can be myself and just do my own things without caring about what others feel about me and how they judge me. Its nice but weird being a senior and seeing your direct juniors run the show. I felt proud but at the same time, I realised that my hey-days are really over.

A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun.
One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.

Plus its nice being recognized as last year's female touch rugby captain. Even though the faces in hall are different now, the warm fuzzy feeling still bubbles in me when I visit hall. I hope the freshman there make good use of their time and have the same wonderful experience that I had in hall, its really a place where I grew so much and experienced so many new things.

Went to bel's party after hall. It was weird because I will never understand why people will want to host so many different group of friends at the same time. I won't be able to do it. And bel wasn't very good at it either. Haha. But the 7 of us were there today:) Its like the first time since god knows when and it was good to be with all of them again. I revisited our blog and had a good laugh at how angsty we used to be. Its funny to re-read your old musings and thoughts on life. We/I grew so much in the past 2 years. I think these are really the friends I have that have withstood the test of time. Its the same thing though, bel seems to like her poly friends so much better. But there is still this warm fuzzy feeling I get when I hang out with them even though thigns have changed.

Well, Im a happy girl today.

I am brain drained.

Went for tr training early this morning but the captain was late, trained for barely 1 hour before we ended training. Zzz. It was abit intimidating because all the girls there were from jc touch and they are pretty good. But I decided to hang in there and continue training with them. I hope that more noob girls come in though.

I had alot of thoughts in my head but everything just seemed to have went blank.

John is being annoying about module bidding. I shall ignore him.
School is starting very soon and I have a couple of things to do before school starts.

1. Pack the table and unpack hall stuff. Like OMG, do it already please.
2. Read the article that Siva sent about safety -.-
3. Read up on HSC-HSC rescue, HSC urops
4. Be kpo
5. Pack my cupboard
6. Read up on upcoming modules

We gotta slog our guts out this sem babe.

Touch:)

After not having thrown a rugby ball for about 3 months, I am going for training tmr:))
I am abit scared actually. Haha. Scared I noob, and that the girls there are cliquish.
But I am actually pretty excited. I mega stalked the captain and she is from SAJC! But she is from EH, which makes it scary again. She is year 1 though, so it might help me feel a little better.

I am actually pretty excited. I have alot to learn and I am looking forward to go back on to the field with my boots:) And I wanna do a dive and I wanna back 5, and I wanna count touches. WOOHOO

Yay for touch rugby:)

I hope tomorrow will be a good day:)

Good night!

In a perfect world

Yes, it was a rebound relationship. Whenever I was with her, everything we did reminded me of you. It was a relief when I broke up with her. She pales so much in comparison to you. It was a mistake going out with her and I cannot imagine myself without you.

Better still, I was thinking about you all the time and waiting for the correct time to get back together with you.

Spread your wings and fly

You have grown up, its time to spread your wings.
Spread your wings and get ready to fly.
Now the question left is, fly where?

Everyone's moving on in life. Everyone that I love and care about seems to have moved on to a new phase in life. Not that its bad. But I can't help feeling lonely.
Being alone has suddenly become very scary to me.

There were several reasons why I didn't apply for SEP. I am gonna miss home. And there is tee. Who's going to help out at home when I am gone? Grandpa will feel so lonely. And there is the cash thing too. Yes, being alone here makes me feel lonely, it makes me wonder if I will ever have that expereience of living alone in a foreign country and it makes me wonder if I have lost an experience that I might never get back. Maybe I just refuse to step out of my comfort zone.

Boyfriend says that I don't chase my dreams hard enough and that I give up too easily. Let how I let the vet dream go, how I let our relationship go. That really got me thinking, I don't like being labelled as the weak-one-who-can't-take-hardships.

Do I really give up to easily? But looking back, I don't think I regret not going to do my vet studies. What would have I lost if I had went? I would have lost tee, that I am quite sure. I would have lost the opportunity to take care of grandma and to get to know my grandparents closer. Maybe it seems silly to you, maybe you think that these are excuses, but I think its enough for me.
I might regret never becoming a vet but I will never give up what I gained over these few years.

Being a vet, the dream seems so long ago. I still fantasy about how tee and I will have our own vet clinic. How we will take turn feeding and administering medication to the sick and young animals in the middle of the night. But its only just a dream now. 

Am I happy with what I am doing? Yes. I enjoy being in the mangroves as tiring as it might be. I enjoy observing the biodiversity in Singapore, I enjoy dishing out info to people and pointing things out to them.

Where am I going to go from here? I honestly have no idea. I might graduated ina year or two (no pun intended). And what's gonna happen after that? Will I be married? To who? Will I get a job here? Will I end up moving with tee? What about my family?

Its scary to be 21 and be without an aim. My only aim is to have a happy family that I can call my own. Maybe that's why I don't know what to do with the other parts of my life. Put all logic/reasoning/thinking/fears/doubts aside, I want to marry tee and have a happy family. Get a dog, do something related to animals, cook for him everyday, snuggle and cuddle in bed and live my dream happy couple life. Sounds pathethic does it? The dream of a woman in the past, no career ambition. But I think that is what I want. Of course, once you include all the logic/fears/doubts, I get really scared.
Scared that I am giving up everything for the wrong guy, scared that once this relationship falls apart, I will have nothing. Scared that I will be alone in a foreign country without anyone but him. Irrational fears? Unfounded fears? I don't know. How do you when its the correct time to get married? How do you know if its the correct guy?

21 and still in a mess.