I guess at the end of the day, what you are left with is mostly yourself. Just yourself and what matters most to you. 

If two people don't take the effort to keep in touch, then that's just it. 

Sometimes it's the people who are the closest to you that make you feel down. But then again, maybe it's because you expect so much more from them. 

9am tmr, sleep now or regret. Actually even if I sleep now, I'm already gonna regret. Oh wells. YOLO. 

How can some people be so unfeeling? 

I don't choose to be like that, I just simply can't be unfeeling. It's not in me to not care or to do what I want to without taking other people into consideration, especially so for the people that I love. 

I don't have to be like that but I'm just like that. I could have gone back to school, gone out for supper. But I chose not to do both. And I'm gonna have to rush back tomorrow after the dumb race. Seriously, I better be able to run with Bryan or I'm gonna get damn pissed. 

It's just me I guess, I can't don't care. 

I've finally started studying for me modules. I think the CA started me off. And guess what, taxo isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I can remember most stuff that Meier explained, should take part in the fb page should, it's a good 20% of the mod. 

Fyp is worrying as usual. But what's new. Sorting is stressful. I don't know if I missed stuff out. So I'll obsessively go through it over and over again. And there is human biasness, if the sample has a lot of insects, I tend to be less careful when I enumerate them. 

And my friends are great and funny. I have been meeting Dawn every other day. To run, to study or just because we need something to do. Nice to know that I'm not feeling lost alone. But I think we egg each other on, it's ok though, it's fun. Haha. With all the gossip and whatnot and the hthts.

Then there's the meet up with John at black ball. But John is gonna be John. I'll appreciate him for who he is though. There's mamammmmmm too. Hehe. She is actually pretty wise. And it's nice to have someone to calm me down and stop me from being irrational. 

And I have become more religious? Maybe it's because I was feeling super sian. I flipped thorough the bible that day and it seemed to make me feel better. But I guess there are a lot of things that I should be thankful for and I was reminded of that and of how tee is actually a wonderful guy. 

So anyway tee might not be back for the Dec hols:( Me is sad and disappointed. I was kinda looking forward to Christmas and new year with him. And Dawn is gonna go off too. So I'll be pretty bored:/ 4K is really a lot though. I want him back for the festive season but 4k is really too much. I'll leave the decision to him. Shan't ask him anymore because it makes the both of us sian. Oh wells. I hope hope hope that there will come a time where we won't have to think bout such things because we will more or less be together. We haven't spent Xmas or vday or my birthday together for quite a number of years already. Suprisingly, I have never missed his bd yet. Haha. Fate. It's not like we have huge celebrations, we don't even celebrate sometimes. Lol. But it's just nice having him around. 

My cough is killing me. Waiting to recover before I can go run again. I put on close to 3kg anyway. Time to stop the suppers. Haha 

Last day. Gonna snap out if it after today. And guess what, I feel better already. 

I really really really really hate my period. It makes me become this emotionally unstable and cranky person and I'm tired and always unhappy. 

IT SUCKS.

It's been a crazy week. Field work, sorting, lessons, assignments. 

Talked to people who made me feel better. Dawn, meila, the person up there. 

Hoping that I'll be able to remain focus and keep up with school work and increase efficiency for my fyp. That the shutdown will end so tee can carry on with his training and graduated ASAP. 

Glad for the people around me who care and love me so much:)

Here's to a more efficient and motivated week. 

12 hours in school for 2 days are no joke. I don't think I'm capable of doing field work tmr at 6am so I'm giving it a miss. 

Shall go on Sunday instead. I'll have some explaining to do but oh wells. I swear I'll be productive tmr. Finish my assignment. I guess grandparents played a part too. It be too troublesome for me to go, come home and go again. 

He's afraid of growing up. I understand his fears, surprised me again though, even after 8 years. Still not used to the fact tt he actually ponders quite a lot. Haha. My silly boy pondering:) 

What if he doesn't want to because he's afraid of all the things tt will tie us down? What if he changes his mind? I kinda don't want to wait anymore but he hasn't said anything. I am under the impression that he is not keen though. Maybe he doesn't want to have so much commitments. I'm pretty simple and I don't need much. Guess he knows. 

And that song has been playing in my head. 

Wake me up, when September ends.

Loads to be grateful for.

The very sweet and awesome bf who messages me whenever he is free now after I confessed that I'm feeling pretty down recently.

The awesome bros who had supper with me and the fun we had disturbing Linhui.

A sweaty, muddy, adrenalin pumped touch rug session that made my muscles sore. 

Identifying the cute blobs, they are Ostracods!

Awesome seniors who check on me make sure I'm on par with my fyp. And the mind blowing advice which they have to offer. 

A cute grandpa that can't fall asleep because he is hungry. Fasting for medical checkup tmr.

Daddy, mummy and grandpa who were so worried when I drove back and reached home late today.

The awesome reminiscing talk I had with Dawn and the silly photos we took in the past. 

Wake me up, when September ends:)

Give thanks, and maybe cookies if I have the time to bake tmr.