Yep, that's the way. Avoid and ignore.
Why do I even bother with you. Is it that difficult to say reply the message? Or maybe I'm not worth it huh.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I have been very sensitive lately.
1. I cried during driving. Which doesn't makes sense at all.
2. I was pissed because of the supper thing.
3. I was annoyed after tee talked to me.
4. I hated dinner today.
I'm slightly angry with tee although it doesn't makes much sense. He wanted to call me, I could have said no if I didn't want him to. But in actual fact, I do want to talk to him. Just that I don't see why I have to give up my supper fun to talk to him. Why is it always me who has to give up things? When I want to talk to him, I don't get to do it. Either because he is busy, or tired or simply because I don't ask for it. Maybe sometimes I do, but he is tired.
Its not that I don't like to hear him talk about how he is doing there. I really like it when he tells me about his day. I just don't have anybody to rant to when I need/want to talk. I have loads to tell him. Like what I did for practical today, how things are at home, how I'm worried about grandma and how I don't feel like going for driving. About field work, so many things. So why is it that I never get to call him? But when he wants to/is free to/needs to talk, I always say yes? Is this going to be how its like in the future? Where I have to give up such things? Who can I turn to when I need someone? I'm feeling very exhausted.
Recently, I've been feeling that no one really cares about me. No one bothers to ask if I am feeling better. Even after a whole day of looking after nainai, the hypocrites come and just completely ignore my existence. Its not anyone's fault, I was super worried about nainai myself. It would be nice if someone asked me how I was though, or just tell me to go take a nap and rest or something.
I know tee is busy. But nainai means alot to me also. I was expecting him to ask about her and stuff when he called today. Or just maybe have the chance to tell him what's happening here. He didn't ask though. Its stupid and unreasonable, I know. And its not like I was bored when he told me about his day. Its just... I want to feel cared for, I want to know that there are people around me who can sense that I am not feeling that ok. Maybe he's a boy, he doesn't remember small stuff like that.
And it didn't help when the bros didn't keep supper for me. Yes, its small and unreasonable again. But was my absence even noticed? And it didn't help again when small bro said that I am not needed anymore because the other guys have decided to move over.
Ok, this is just a rant. Its childish. But I feel really unloved and alone. I am so so so tired.
1. I cried during driving. Which doesn't makes sense at all.
2. I was pissed because of the supper thing.
3. I was annoyed after tee talked to me.
4. I hated dinner today.
I'm slightly angry with tee although it doesn't makes much sense. He wanted to call me, I could have said no if I didn't want him to. But in actual fact, I do want to talk to him. Just that I don't see why I have to give up my supper fun to talk to him. Why is it always me who has to give up things? When I want to talk to him, I don't get to do it. Either because he is busy, or tired or simply because I don't ask for it. Maybe sometimes I do, but he is tired.
Its not that I don't like to hear him talk about how he is doing there. I really like it when he tells me about his day. I just don't have anybody to rant to when I need/want to talk. I have loads to tell him. Like what I did for practical today, how things are at home, how I'm worried about grandma and how I don't feel like going for driving. About field work, so many things. So why is it that I never get to call him? But when he wants to/is free to/needs to talk, I always say yes? Is this going to be how its like in the future? Where I have to give up such things? Who can I turn to when I need someone? I'm feeling very exhausted.
Recently, I've been feeling that no one really cares about me. No one bothers to ask if I am feeling better. Even after a whole day of looking after nainai, the hypocrites come and just completely ignore my existence. Its not anyone's fault, I was super worried about nainai myself. It would be nice if someone asked me how I was though, or just tell me to go take a nap and rest or something.
I know tee is busy. But nainai means alot to me also. I was expecting him to ask about her and stuff when he called today. Or just maybe have the chance to tell him what's happening here. He didn't ask though. Its stupid and unreasonable, I know. And its not like I was bored when he told me about his day. Its just... I want to feel cared for, I want to know that there are people around me who can sense that I am not feeling that ok. Maybe he's a boy, he doesn't remember small stuff like that.
And it didn't help when the bros didn't keep supper for me. Yes, its small and unreasonable again. But was my absence even noticed? And it didn't help again when small bro said that I am not needed anymore because the other guys have decided to move over.
Ok, this is just a rant. Its childish. But I feel really unloved and alone. I am so so so tired.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Today is a happy day.
I met Siva for UROPS update and I was actually a little worried because my results didn't make sense to me at all. I did put in alot of effort, just that sometimes, effort doesn't equate to results. I was pleasantly surprised that I knew my literature well. YAY. It might seem like something very small but it means alot to me. AND AND he tweeted me to tell me that it was a good update, I take that as a huge compliment:) I love what I'm doing, how time seems to fly when I am out in field.
Sure, there are times when things get difficult. Like when you don't have helpers, or when the tides are being annoying, or when it pours and you get drenched and freeze on the way home. But I think its worth it. I like the idea of putting all the research work together and presenting the information to the government (I still like to believe in the idea that people make wrong choices because of ignorance). I can't bear it if mandai mangrove gets reclaimed. I don't know why I am so attached to the place, but I just am. Like how I feel for the place when I see random people catching crabs and fish, and when trees topple. I want to find a day to thoroughly explore the place. Maybe just sit down and enjoy being there and not doing anything.
Me and boyfriend have been good. I miss him so much. Like almost to the extend that its becoming a disorder, its scary. Esp during CNY when everybody has their reunions and stuff. I enjoy the family time, I really do. But things would have been nicer if the bf was around. Oh well, cannot be too greedy. I want to go visiting with him and bring him visiting with me. I promise to be good, to be the nice gf that everyone would want.
Happy V-day everyone (even though I do think its over-rated). Nothing can beat how bf bought me flowers for no reason at all on a normal day:)
HI, I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK.
I met Siva for UROPS update and I was actually a little worried because my results didn't make sense to me at all. I did put in alot of effort, just that sometimes, effort doesn't equate to results. I was pleasantly surprised that I knew my literature well. YAY. It might seem like something very small but it means alot to me. AND AND he tweeted me to tell me that it was a good update, I take that as a huge compliment:) I love what I'm doing, how time seems to fly when I am out in field.
Sure, there are times when things get difficult. Like when you don't have helpers, or when the tides are being annoying, or when it pours and you get drenched and freeze on the way home. But I think its worth it. I like the idea of putting all the research work together and presenting the information to the government (I still like to believe in the idea that people make wrong choices because of ignorance). I can't bear it if mandai mangrove gets reclaimed. I don't know why I am so attached to the place, but I just am. Like how I feel for the place when I see random people catching crabs and fish, and when trees topple. I want to find a day to thoroughly explore the place. Maybe just sit down and enjoy being there and not doing anything.
Me and boyfriend have been good. I miss him so much. Like almost to the extend that its becoming a disorder, its scary. Esp during CNY when everybody has their reunions and stuff. I enjoy the family time, I really do. But things would have been nicer if the bf was around. Oh well, cannot be too greedy. I want to go visiting with him and bring him visiting with me. I promise to be good, to be the nice gf that everyone would want.
Happy V-day everyone (even though I do think its over-rated). Nothing can beat how bf bought me flowers for no reason at all on a normal day:)
HI, I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.
If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
What's the purpose of education if you are so fixated on getting good results? Education is suppose to be about learning and gaining knowledge, not about how to score the highest. This totally defeats the purpose of education and it really makes me quite sick to interact with you.
V-day is round the corner and everyone is thinking of what to do/where to go/when to go with their special someone. My special someone is not around, and it has been 2 years. V-day is over-rated, what's the point of it anyway? When you can spend any other day being nice to each other, why wait till v-day? But its just abit sian when the bros are preparing for v-day and I dont have much to do or rather, I dont need to prepare much. And it feels abit horrible when I get teased about it. Its no-one's fault, but just might feel abit lonely. I miss him, not because v-day is around the corner but just because I miss him.
Looking at the white paper makes me sick. How to increase population like that? How much land can you reclaim? How are parks considered reserves and greenery? Its dumb, really. I feel like going away.
And I can't tell some people things anymore, doesn't feel like its being kept as secrets. No idea why but just a feeling.
Horrid day.
But ok, bath and study. Honours.
V-day is round the corner and everyone is thinking of what to do/where to go/when to go with their special someone. My special someone is not around, and it has been 2 years. V-day is over-rated, what's the point of it anyway? When you can spend any other day being nice to each other, why wait till v-day? But its just abit sian when the bros are preparing for v-day and I dont have much to do or rather, I dont need to prepare much. And it feels abit horrible when I get teased about it. Its no-one's fault, but just might feel abit lonely. I miss him, not because v-day is around the corner but just because I miss him.
Looking at the white paper makes me sick. How to increase population like that? How much land can you reclaim? How are parks considered reserves and greenery? Its dumb, really. I feel like going away.
And I can't tell some people things anymore, doesn't feel like its being kept as secrets. No idea why but just a feeling.
Horrid day.
But ok, bath and study. Honours.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Every year during festive seasons, one thing comes to my mind.
Its not a happy thought but it makes me treasure what I have even more.
It seems that every year, I would think to myself if this would be the last year that I be celebrating CNY with nainai. Somehow, she seems to be getting weaker and weaker. And it pains me to see yeye so affected by her. Like how he asks about blowing up the passport photo, and how he always tells me 'hen fan'. He is a very strong person, and he loves nainai with all his heart. It would tear him apart if something happens to her.
I want to be for him when that happens and keep him company forever. I can imagine how sad and lonely he would be. I daresay that I might be the next closest to him after nainai. He seems so..fragile. But it would also mean shelfing away my dreams and passion. Is it selfish to think like that? But deep down, I know that is what I need to and want to do.
These two people were the ones who looked after me ever since I was a kid. Meals, school, piano lessons, baths, clothes, they really did everything for me. Its only right that I love them the way they do with me. Its not because I need to, but because I want to.
Its scary how fast she is deproving. The photos that we take every year clearly shows it. From how she smiles to not smile, to close eyes. But that only means that I should love them more and make full use of whatever time I have left with them.
Its not a happy thought but it makes me treasure what I have even more.
It seems that every year, I would think to myself if this would be the last year that I be celebrating CNY with nainai. Somehow, she seems to be getting weaker and weaker. And it pains me to see yeye so affected by her. Like how he asks about blowing up the passport photo, and how he always tells me 'hen fan'. He is a very strong person, and he loves nainai with all his heart. It would tear him apart if something happens to her.
I want to be for him when that happens and keep him company forever. I can imagine how sad and lonely he would be. I daresay that I might be the next closest to him after nainai. He seems so..fragile. But it would also mean shelfing away my dreams and passion. Is it selfish to think like that? But deep down, I know that is what I need to and want to do.
These two people were the ones who looked after me ever since I was a kid. Meals, school, piano lessons, baths, clothes, they really did everything for me. Its only right that I love them the way they do with me. Its not because I need to, but because I want to.
Its scary how fast she is deproving. The photos that we take every year clearly shows it. From how she smiles to not smile, to close eyes. But that only means that I should love them more and make full use of whatever time I have left with them.
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