I have been very sensitive lately.

1. I cried during driving. Which doesn't makes sense at all.
2. I was pissed because of the supper thing.
3. I was annoyed after tee talked to me.
4. I hated dinner today.

I'm slightly angry with tee although it doesn't makes much sense. He wanted to call me, I could have said no if I didn't want him to. But in actual fact, I do want to talk to him. Just that I don't see why I have to give up my supper fun to talk to him. Why is it always me who has to give up things? When I want to talk to him, I don't get to do it. Either because he is busy, or tired or simply because I don't ask for it. Maybe sometimes I do, but he is tired.

Its not that I don't like to hear him talk about how he is doing there. I really like it when he tells me about his day. I just don't have anybody to rant to when I need/want to talk. I have loads to tell him. Like what I did for practical today, how things are at home, how I'm worried about grandma and how I don't feel like going for driving. About field work, so many things. So why is it that I never get to call him? But when he wants to/is free to/needs to talk, I always say yes? Is this going to be how its like in the future? Where I have to give up such things? Who can I turn to when I need someone? I'm feeling very exhausted.

Recently, I've been feeling that no one really cares about me. No one bothers to ask if I am feeling better. Even after a whole day of looking after nainai, the hypocrites come and just completely ignore my existence. Its not anyone's fault, I was super worried about nainai myself. It would be nice if someone asked me how I was though, or just tell me to go take a nap and rest or something.

I know tee is busy. But nainai means alot to me also. I was expecting him to ask about her and stuff when he called today. Or just maybe have the chance to tell him what's happening here. He didn't ask though. Its stupid and unreasonable, I know. And its not like I was bored when he told me about his day. Its just... I want to feel cared for, I want to know that there are people around me who can sense that I am not feeling that ok. Maybe he's a boy, he doesn't remember small stuff like that.

And it didn't help when the bros didn't keep supper for me. Yes, its small and unreasonable again. But was my absence even noticed? And it didn't help again when small bro said that I am not needed anymore because the other guys have decided to move over.

Ok, this is just a rant. Its childish. But I feel really unloved and alone. I am so so so tired.